Thursday, June 19, 2008
My life is a constant overhaul or that's how it feels sometimes. Tonight after I got home from work and made dinner (grilled mojo chicken, jasmine rice mixed with brussell sprouts and black-eye peas) I went upstairs and looked through "the box". I'm referring to the box of stuff that I never unpacked from my old desk at my old job. I found some goodies in there so that was exciting (old pictures and nick-knacks from Singapore and China, a Napoleon Dynamite coaster that I used at my desk for my coffee mug or water glass). It felt so weird to look at my Rodale mug and realize that I don't work there anymore. Going forward is a good thing but it's hard to stop from reminiscing sometimes. It's somehow reassuring to know that 3 years of my life spent there were positive. I loved working there. But now it's on to new challenges. Now that the dust has settled and I'm in my new job I find myself looking back more often. I wonder where I'll be 5 years from now, 10 years from now. It's fun to think about that. I never thought I'd be an office manager for a jewelry designer, that's for sure. I wonder what the next 5 or 10 years holds for me. I hope only positive things. It's easy to give up hope when things don't turn out the way you planned but I'm coming to believe that no matter what choices we make in life something good always comes of it eventually if we place our hope and faith in God. I believe that he works in and through our choices. Ah, the beauty of free will. I look at the different crossroads in my life and it's interesting to see where my life would've ended up back when I was 17 if I would've gone to Penn State or Pitt instead of moving in with my ex-boyfriend. Or what would've happened had I not gone to Bible College back in 1999? Or how about now this choice I just made to work at Angelique de Paris instead of Rodale. Right after I got the job at Angelique de Paris, SELF magazine called me for a 2nd interview. Where would my life had taken me then? But then I think of the commute to NYC everyday and I get exhausted. Life is so fragile yet we human beings are so resilient. A lot of times I feel like I'm on a treadmill and I'm at that point in the run where it hurts so badly that I have to turn my run into a jog and then slow it down to a brisk walk. That's how I have been feeling with life lately. Today felt different though. I called my Mother-in-Law this morning and she said she would pray for me and then somehow later in the day I noticed that I had this overwhelming sense of peace. I think I had grace to get through my busy and stressful day. It felt lighter today. Maybe it's just that I'm getting more organized at my new job. It carried into this evening because after dinner I went to town with organizing my 3rd floor room where I keep my books and art supplies. I always feel refreshed when I look through my bookshelves. They bring me comfort for some reason. I think it's because they are so personalized not only with my books but with my favorite pictures and little knick-knacks and such. Now I'm in my home office and I organized my magazines and finally hooked up my printer that I got with my new Mac months ago. I was totally procrastinating on opening that box. Tegan is sitting here with me.
He follows me everywhere. It's so precious. I think he's wondering what got into me because I've been running up and down the stairs. It feels good to do some personal organization. It always refreshes me and makes me feel more like myself. And with all of the change I've gone through lately I need it.
And in closing, this scripture really brought encouragement to me:
Psalm 37:16 "Better the little that the righteous have
than the wealth of many wicked;"
17 For the power of the wicked will be broken,
but the Lord upholds the righteous...
23 "If the Lord delights in a man's way,
he makes HIS STEPS FIRM,
24 THOUGH HE STUMBLE, HE WILL NOT FALL,
for the Lord UPHOLDS HIM WITH HIS HAND."
(Uh...so precious-it's good to know that God has my hand and no matter what I will not fall because HE is leading me if I will just trust him and let him guide me. I may stumble from time to time but eventually I'll get it. )