"...growing up without a mom has scarred me deeply."
I usually don't talk about this topic much because I just chalk it all up to "that's just the way that things were supposed to be to make me who I am." But this morning I realized again that there are deep wounds that hang around like a residue that you just can't scrub off. Maybe this blog isn't really the place to delve into this and honestly I have turned the page in my life and I've been looking toward the future and what it holds for me. But there are just certain things that happen to people that create defining moments and no matter how hard you run from them, they end up staring you in the face and force you to deal with them. Maybe that's why those photos in the blog post previous to this one (by Noelle) really resonated with me. I can see their oppression and their pain and it reminds me that things can always be worse. My father always told me "there is always someone better off than you are and there is always someone worse off than you are." I guess it's all subjective though because no matter what you are going through it seems the most painful to you at the moment.
This morning I dug out my guitar, blew the dust off, tuned the strings, put the kappo on the 2nd fret and sang a few songs and it felt good. Really good. It was just the release that I needed. I felt like God met me there in my pain and it reminded me of when I would lead worship. I really love to sing my prayers to God. There really is nothing like it. When I'm feeling low, really, the only one who can truly lift me out of it is my Creator. This is such a unique season in my life. It's kind of a lonely season because I don't have a ton of friends right now but at the same time it's a great time to be creative and spend time on me.