Thursday, January 3, 2008

thoughts



i wish that I wasn't such an emotional person but then again that's what makes me feel things and create things based on those feelings. You see, I've been struggling with myself lately. I know that we as humans fall into dangerous territory when we base our identity on what we "do" or how "successful" we are in life. We are all very valuable and in my opinion every single person on earth has unique gifts and talents. But I've been struggling finding my gifts and talents in life. I want to be good at something. Not just good at it but REALLY REALLY damn good at it. I've dabbled here and there but I still struggle finding my niche. I think that at 28 years old almost 29 (Jan. 25th) I should know, right? I thought it was design but I'm still not having any luck with it yet. I love art. LOVE it. Always have. It's something that I always appreciated. Art was always my favorite class in school. Yesterday someone I work with told me that I'm in the wrong field. Surprised, I asked "what do you mean?" She said that I belong in fashion. That I am good at it and that I always dress very creatively and put things together well. I was very surprised by that. I never really feel like I'm above average at anything. I love graphic design and I do feel that I'm good at it too. I think there's so much to it and so much of it is subjective. Any creative field is that way. That's the frustration I guess. So I'm rambling on and on about my thoughts and I haven't come to any conclusion with what my life purpose is yet but hopefully I'll find it. I've been sketching in my sketch book. That's fun. And I started to read the book "Wide Open Spaces". It's very good so far. I have been praying that God would help me this year and that 2008 would be a year of great discovery in my life. Isn't life so short? I can't believe that I'm almost 30! 30! That's halfway to retirement! Yikies!!!! But I do have faith that I wasn't just randomly brought into being on earth and that I have value and that my identity isn't wrapped up in what I "do" but in who I "am" and that is a creation of God and HE will fulfill his plans and purposes for my life in HIS time. Ok. That's a wrap. I've rambled enough. Thanks for listening. Love. Peace. Joy.


"It's the journey, not the destination."

1 comment:

carolyn said...

aww sweetie - i know how you feel. i don't think you've found your niche yet either, but i know you will. and it will be loads more exciting than what you're doing now. know what you should do, start putting together edgy fashion editorial spreads, just concept designs to put in your portfolio and start applying to fashion places. you don't have to stop designing just because you don't have freelance going on right now. take this opportunity to create all the funky stuff you wouldn't be able to make if you were working for some boring client. make your portfolio reflect where you want your career to go. if you want to get into the fashion industry (which i totally think you should!!) then start designing FASHION stuff. make it clear that's the direction you want to go, fill your portfolio with it. if/when you do end up getting a job designing fashion spreads or what have you, imagine where that foot in the door could take you.

you'll get there nici, just keep designing (and above all keep praying!) i know you'll get there :)

love you lots
carolyn